I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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