I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
