You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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