Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm drive I can fine osifer
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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