Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
