If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
