Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
