There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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