while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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