worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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