Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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