Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
