im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize