I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
