i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
