I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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