you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
