i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
