She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
