He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize