Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
