my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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