Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
