I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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