just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Randomize
