I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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