I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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