u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
