It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize