It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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