is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
