And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Is it penis luge time yet?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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