Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
