Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize