On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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