At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
