fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize