she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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