my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
