My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
