Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
