I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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