she was so not down for the gang bang
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
