she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
