There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
