problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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