It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just want to make out with him forever
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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