I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
