She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
