I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
