he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
