How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
