She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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