please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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