So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
