hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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