I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
