I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
