I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
