he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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