dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
