And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
