Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
