While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
