You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize