I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
