if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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