It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
