Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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