I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You ruined the universe
Text me some of your sweat
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize