Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
