she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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