summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
