Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
BRING THE BAGELS
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
