I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
