so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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