I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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