worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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