Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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