i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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