my mouth tastes like poor choices
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
