i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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