It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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