btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is Oprah even human
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize