You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
