pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
