Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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