i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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