i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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