I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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