I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
