When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
