My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also, beer. Big fan.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
