so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize