so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
be right there i have to get my cape
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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