i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
