She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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