she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
