I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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