I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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